Zip-gate

The International Cycling Union (UCI) has some odd rules. One of my favourites is that “Socks (and shoe covers) used in competition must not exceed the mid-distance between the ankle and the knee”.

Victoria Pendleton - Not OK, OK?

Now Stephen Roche (who won many things a long time ago such as the Tour, the Giro and the Worlds) has come out and suggested that cyclists shouldn't be allowed to unzip their jerseys.

"You can see their Christmas present from their wives hanging round their neck, but nobody's getting any value out of it. If you don’t stop it now, they’ll have no jerseys on shortly. They talk about heat, about not being able to breathe. Bullshit. Footballers, every time they score a goal, pull their jersey off, but it was banned because it didn't look nice. Why do we tolerate it in cycling?"

Yeah, and once they stop wearing jerseys, it won't be long before they scrap the knicks too, and then all they'll be wearing is socks (that don't exceed the mid-distance between the ankle and the knee of course) and a helmet.

In fact, it's clear that an unzipped jersey is a gateway style to nudity, and we can't have that. And we all know that nudity is a gateway state to being German and hiking naked through the Alps.

But seriously, I've spent many a summer's day imagining myself as Andy Schleck, complete with jersey flapping in the wind, ten mile stare focussed on the distance (approximately ten miles away), and not winning.

Andy Schleck

What's wrong with that? I can still clearly see that he is (was) sponsored by CSC.

And what's wrong with this?

(Insert lewd remark about Christmas presents here)

Nothing. Nothing at all. She is clearly sponsored by Giant. In fact, while that fact is clear, I can't tell you who the cyclist behind is sponsored by, despite her jersey being in the zipped-up position.

All in all, I can't help but feel Roche is going on about shit that doesn't really matter. If sponsors truly had a problem with unzipped jerseys, I'm sure they'd work that out with their team. And maybe Stephen should be having a word to his son, Nicolas, about the issue too (and Lance Arsmtrong, and a few others too)...

And if they have to have their jerseys zipped up, it won't be long before they have to wear collars and bow-ties...

And in a follow-up to Zip-gate, check out Zip-gate appendage.